I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
