Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
