just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize