oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
And then he peed in my hair
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