Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
