I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
