When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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