what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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