Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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