Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
