you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
