I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
