thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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