New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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