I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize