dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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