i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
