Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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