now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
