Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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