Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's like iHOP with fire
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
