I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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