im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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