Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
