It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
