In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize