he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
