I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
