Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
