We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
