how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
