I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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