1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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