Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
