I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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