sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
