i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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