quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
