Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize