I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
