if i can run in heels then i can drive
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
