So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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