If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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