I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
