You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize