I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
