Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
