I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
