I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
