Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
