Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
