I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
