I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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