all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
