At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
