We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
