Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
