God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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