Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
