Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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