By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
