No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize