ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the liver wants what the liver wants
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
