Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize