i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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