Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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