Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
