New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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