Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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