just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
