I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
