Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
