I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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