For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
