you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
