i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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