I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize