good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
