he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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