You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
