so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize