I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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