i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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