he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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