He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
