He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
