hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
