is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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