my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
