Screwed.edu
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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