i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
