On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize