I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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