In the future we'll all be gay
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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