We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
