I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
third nipple confirmed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize