i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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