YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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