I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
