I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
