Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
