just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
