Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
