Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
