So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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