I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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