before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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