she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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