All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize