If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
