I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
