I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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