Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
